Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize