The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
