handjob tips. give me some.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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