He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Randomize
