I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize