You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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