Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
my phone needs a breathalizer
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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