I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Randomize
