Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Randomize
