3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
you traded sex for a burrito?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
