Where are you?
In a non slutty way
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
