Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
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