Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
