i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Randomize
