found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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