if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
