The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize