Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
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