she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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