covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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