bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
