hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
