if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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