He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
He's a Shit stain on my heart
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
