my sisters under your porch take her home
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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