During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
