I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
