why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
Randomize