Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
