When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
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