update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
