Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
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