I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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