i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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