Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
When are your genitals available?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
