There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
