Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
