Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
