There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
