the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Randomize
