mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
