"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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