just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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