well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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