Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
