His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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