I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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