tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
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