you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
