you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
