just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize