A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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