no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
