I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize