I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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