I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Randomize
