I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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