Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
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