This dress was meant to end up on your floor
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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