Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Randomize
