Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
This is classic penis vs brain.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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