I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
