when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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