Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize