Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
