i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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