I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize