i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
