I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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