it wasn't lemon gatorade
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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