All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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