i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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