just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Randomize
