That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize