My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Randomize
