God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
