I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
