My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
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