Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
