This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
