I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize