he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
