mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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