dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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