If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize