i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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