you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Randomize
