im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
my shit smells like andre
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Randomize
