O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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