During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
