Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
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