I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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