i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
