We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Randomize