Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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