and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
