Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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