We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
not ubering you a puppy
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
