I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
