I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
