they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
