if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Randomize
