apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
