At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I think I sprained my soul last night
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
